No More Excuses!!!

“Kids will be kids”, is an excuse used by adults who don’t want to address the real issues.  Adults are underestimating the potential in each one of these children as well.  Given the opportunity kids will rise to whatever standard you set for them.  They are eager to please and craving rules that help them feel safe and secure in a stressful situation.  Rules give them guidelines as to how to handle the world around them.  Rules provide security and strength.  Where is all this coming from you might ask?   Recently, Jeremy had the unique “opportunity” to experience this first hand.  In his regular school he found himself in a situation of weakness that resulted in completely uncharacteristic behavior which led to an out of school suspension.  As he said, “My fight or flight response kicked in.”  He had tried flight before and it didn’t work out so….   At every step along the way to this incident there were opportunities for the adults in charge to put a stop to the harassment and mounting frustrations of all involved; however, the fear, exhaustion and low morale that is running rampant in our public school system prevented any of them from stepping in.  I was initially very hurt and frustrated by the whole situation.  Although the administration listened to my concerns, I am confident that my concerns were not heard.  I kept getting the answer (excuse!) “Kids will be kids!”  I told them I was deeply troubled by that answer because if this was the expected behavior for the kids as teens I didn’t want to see what they would be like as adults.  By saying “Kids will be kids” they are in essence giving these kids permission to act as they please because it is “normal”.  I felt unsafe in this environment.  I can’t imagine what the kids who actually have to remain in this situation feel like all the time.  It was a feeling of hopelessness and weakness.  We were fortunate to get Jeremy into an off-site,, in-school suspension program so as to reduce the appearance of the severity of the suspension on his school records.  The school is in a lower-income area of the city.  The kids in the program with him are there because of drugs, pornography, fighting, etc.  It is a rough crowd, but, ironically, Jeremy feels safer there than he does at his own school.  The difference is the adults running the program.  The kids know these adults care about them,  but don’t put up with anything.  The adults take the time to learn something positive about each one of the kids and use this information frequently to remind them they are good kids who happen to have made a bad decision.  The rules are strict and if you don’t follow them you are removed from the program.  The kids behave because it is what is expected.  They have risen to the standards set by the adults in charge. Everyone is in a position of strength and they are happier for it.  

Although I am exhausted from dealing with administration and getting needed answers, I am grateful for this whole thing.  God does not just let things occur.  They happen for a purpose.  Jeremy is learning that words should never be used as a weapon to tear someone down  Words need to be used as tools to build people up and help them be better.  He is learning that less is more and that kind words go a lot farther in making friends than trying to impress peers with mean comments to prove how tough you are.  He is learning that rules are there to protect him and help him feel secure.  I am learning that it is okay to step in at the first sign of trouble.  Don't assume that the administration will handle it.  It is okay to be vocal when you don’t agree with how something is being handled.   Teachers appreciate parents who are involved in their kids’ education.  Teachers are not being heard by administration either and love it when parents are willing to listen to their concerns and give assistance when smoothing over issues involving their kids.  Most importantly we have all learned, as a family, that when the Lord gives you a direction to go and you decide not to listen, He will find a way to get your attention and refocus you on what is important.  I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who listens and hears us when we talk to Him.  He is there to help us with whatever our struggles might be at the time.  He is also there to celebrate with us when we are happy.  He is the ultimate example of unconditional love.  I am grateful He has set high standards for me.  I am happier when I stick to those standards and do not deviate from the goal - eternal life and the Celestial Kingdom.  I am placed in a position of strength knowing I am doing what He wants me to do and that is all that really matters in this life. 

Thanks for listening!  Now go out and take on today with the confidence that He is at the helm and everything is going to be okay.  No more excuses!  Be the best you you can be!